Mika has for some time now given up screaming for whining. If he doesn’t get his way, he’d start to whine and cry. It’s like a rotation. I think we’ve gone through his whining phase before. This is when we ignore him unless his cries are due to pain. Yesterday though, Mika took his whining to the highest level. He cried nearly the whole day. It actually started the day before. We went shopping and Mika wanted a golf set. He already has one; so I said no. I told him if he didn’t believe me, I would show it to him when we got back. And I did. I also told him the reason why his set was so high up was because he had used his golf stick as a weapon to hit people when he wasn't pleased with them.
That night, he kept asking for his box to be brought down even though I’d given him a putter from the set. He clearly wasn’t satisfied with only one stick. So, to my annoyance, he started to whine. And when I tell him, “No”, he goes, “Whyyyyyyyyyy?” Although he has the cutest way of saying it, too many whys does test one's patience. After sticking him with so many reasons, I finally gave up and started to use my husband’s answer to any query which he doesn’t want to give much thought to. For example, if Inez were to ask, “Why are they doing that?”; my hubby would say, “B’coz…they are too cute.” It used to work with Inez but for some time now, Inez would simply accept his answer then say, “AND…” Obviously, “too cute” doesn’t cut it anymore.
So when I told Mika it was because he was “too cute,” Mika immediately said that he didn’t want to be too cute. He wanted his box. And the boy is very single-minded. No matter how much you try to distract him from what he wants, he’d wake up the next morning asking for the very same thing he didn’t get the night before. So yesterday, his daddy took the box down only to have it kept again by his nana because out of 20 plastic golf balls, only 13 were recovered. God only knows where the other 7 went. So with every chance he got, he whined to my mom, whined to my dad, and then whined to me when I came back from work. Whine, whine, whine. Anyone with hearing found him soooooo irritating. I tried to interest him to play hide and seek. It didn't work. I was already preparing a vege dish. I was soooo annoyed that I told him if he didn't shush it, I'd stick the carrot into his mouth. Surprisingly, that got him quiet. As he was about to open his mouth, I showed him the carrot again. He immediately closed his mouth. Interesting, I thought. I suppose after that, he got tired of whining, coz he went to sleep.
Today, however, boy woke up all cheery. It’s amazing! It’s like the two days never happened.
9 comments:
Tell me about it Ju. I pun tak tahan whining. And my girl is STILL doing it from time to time.
So far, it's been two days. It seems he has quit the whining. Everybody ignored him, my mom, my dad, myself, my hubby, everybody. For two days, he was a crybaby. I guess he realised that whining wasn't working. He has changed his tactics though. My mom was saying that yesterday he was stepping on some toys, so my mom tapped him lightly on his leg. He hung to my mom's legs, and in case it wasn't obvious, he told my mom, "I am hugging you, Nana." My mom said to me, "How do you scold someone who is hugging you?" LOL
"Your son is also very sly in his own way." She added. She also said that if it's something big and serious, he will still get his dues. :)
:) You're lucky to have support like that from your parents. Makes things all the more easier to have a common understanding like that amongst the adults. I am not so lucky in tht aspect. My parents like to contradict me sometimes and my child gets confused in the process. Anyways, the experts say that whining is just a child's way of testing to see if he could get his way in a particular situation. The best solution thus far is still to ignore them when they use the whiny tactics. My prob is of course sometimes it's easier to scream at them to stop than just to ignore. ;) Takes practice to turn a deaf ear...
Of course it's easier to scream, but if we scream, Supernanny Jo Frost says we have lost control of the situation. For someone who doesn't have kids of her own, she's right. So I am trying my hardest to hang on to my self control. She also says if we are really angry, we should leave the room to calm ourselves first.
One of these days, I'd like to summarize Supernanny's tips. It's another book which I recommend to parents everywhere. Apparently I read somewhere that Hugh Jackman is also a fan of Supernanny.
Anyway, I suppose you have to talk to your parents about it. I remember when I first started toilet training Mikael, my mom always put diapers on him when he's at her place coz my dad is very particular about cleanliness and my mom tak larat laa sebenarnya to clean up the mess. But I told her the poor boy's confused. One moment, he can pee in his diaper, and at other times he has to do it in the toilet. Although we do take off his diaper and take him to the toilet, he doesn't want to go. At last, Mom agreed to take off his diapers and had to be on alert at all times; and then only the toilet training worked and Mika wears only underwear now even to bed at night.
Some things I just can't 'talk' to my parents about. Just today I found out that my parents told my daughter that she's allowed to suck her thumb if she sleeps over at their place. And apparently during this school hols when she slept over at my parents, my girl has been allowed to suck her thumb! Urgh! I've been 'training' my girl to get off the thumbsucking, and has been successful until now. Lately I find Airis sucking her thumb again esp at nights. Tension betul! Like I said, my parents aren't as supportive as yours. I have talked to them and still when it comes to these things they take it as 'perkara remeh' and purposely go out of their way to contradict me behind my back. Susah Ju...
That is difficult, to not have the support you need from your own parents. And you can't say to your kids that they can't listen to their grandparents. Poor you.
Have a friend who moved out coz she was staying with her folks. They gave him everything he wanted and more. She couldn't understand why and how they could treat him so differently from how they treated their own children - them coz they turned out all right.
They say if you can't move the mountain, you got to move around it. I guess there must be other ways to handle this like. We simply have to get a little more creative. Hmmm, howzabout we praise our kids in front of our parents and say that everytime they don't suck their thumb, grandpa and grandma will give them a treat. That makes grandpa and grandma the good guys and they will encourage your kids not to do it. If that doesn't work, then we'll have to think of something else.
As for me, I'd like to know how you got your kids to stop thumbsucking. My kids like to bite their nails. Lebih kurang laa tu. Once I got so upset with Mika, I put pepper on his fingers. I didn't expect him to touch his eyes. So the plan backfired in a bad way. I tried to squeeze lemon on his fingers but he liked the taste.
All of us, parents included beat his finger lightly and pull it out of his mouth but it goes back in. Inez does the same. Mika sees, Mika does too.
Ntah la Juju, it's difficult sket certain issues with my parents. They can be quite the sensitive one. I get frustrated just thinking about it all over again. I now forbid my daughter to sleep over at my parents if she's not going to listen to me. I teach my kids the hierarchy - ie you have to listen to Allah first, then Rasulullah, then Mommy, then Daddy, then only Grandparents. So sometimes if Mommy says different things from Tok or Tok Wan, must listen to Mommy first. She kinda gets the concept. But on this thumbsucking issue it's a matter of 'gian'. You know if someone is trying to stop smoking and you sumbat a lighted cigarette in his mouth, mana tak addicted balik. Betul tak? ;)
Anyways bout the nail biting, I spose you can say its similar to thumbsucking since both are a form of 'pacifier' for the kids. But nail biting is more of a sign of nervousness. There may be an underlying cause that you might want to explore. Kids suck thumb mainly to calm/comfort themselves. Nail biting is more of a form of stress release.
Check out this website on Your Child's Habits.
But mostly these habits are usually a phase je. They outgrow it in time. Meantime you can try with Inez by bringing her for a Mom daughter day out for a manicure. They have ones for kids. So that may encourage Inez to stop biting her nails, otherwise those pretty nails will be spoiled. Try that out and see if it works. :)
Oh dear, I didn't realise that nail biting is equated with underlying stress, which they might feel about going to school and stuff.
Inez already has nail polish on her nails, when else can she wear it? It's a treat for good behaviour, and also indirectly to stop her from biting her nails. But she forgets that she has nice nail polish on and still bites her nails.
Will check out the recommended website. Mika can't wear polish, so what can we do with boys?
Most times, with Mika, it's a matter of Monkey sees, monkey does. Other times, he has a mind of his own. At the moment, everytime he puts his fingers in, i just pull them out.
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