About 3 days ago, my friend was telling me that her husband has diabetes and during Raya, he didn't watch his diet. As a result, his thigh is now swollen with pus. I don't know the medical term for 'bisul'. He might have to go for a minor operation and with diabetes, it would take longer to heal. And the situation would be worse if the thing burst; and if it doesn't heal, he might just lose his whole leg. So she was telling him, "You're a diabetic patient. A lot of things can happen. We have four children. I have to take care of a lot of things. And if you become crippled, I also have to take care of you. So, why don't you take care of yourself first from now before the unwanted happens?" Then, out of curiousity, she asked,"If I'm sick, would you take care of me?" He answered,"I will hire a maid." So she asked again, "What is the maid for?" since they already have one.
"To take care of me," he replied, smiling.
"That sounds like you."
Then he said, "Noo-lah, the maid will take care of you." So the conversation ended here and he didn't notice that my friend was upset. Little did he know that his answers (though light-hearted on his part) hurt and were creating a snowball effect. Because, some time back, she had asked, "If I died, what will you do? Who will take care of the children?" He answered that he'd remarry because he still has strong sexual desire. She was upset then and he didn't notice it either. The Malay would say, "Tak sayang mulut" as this would be considered as suicidal remarks. Kalau nak kawin pun, tak yah ler cakap or avoid answering it altogether. (Please note that I'm retelling this with permission.) But what has this got to do with Grey's Anatomy?
Anyway, when I heard this, I was amazed that a husband can come out with these kind of answers and I had this burning curiousity to hear what my husband would answer.
My chance came last night. I am a peminat mati keras (die hard fan) of Grey's Anatomy and even though my husband wanted to eat out last night, I opted to cook and stay home. By 8:10p.m., dinner was served. However, I missed 10 minutes of the series because I was waiting for the news to end and it went on. I didn't realise we were watching TV3! Aaaaaarghhhh!
So, after watching the show, when I got some 'us-time' with my husband, my children were sleeping, and I was folding tonnes and tonnes of clothes, I told him what happened in the show. I said it was such a funny episode because that Sandra Oh's character (I remembered her name last night) and Burke went on their first dinner date, and it was clear that they didn't really know each other's likes and dislikes. But I digress. So I told Zul about the patient that was assigned to Meredith, an old lady named Esme, who underwent an operation. The doctors discovered that she had gallbladder cancer and informed the husband who asked the doctors not to inform his wife. He wanted her to be happy before she went. So Meredith was somewhat in a dilemma: to tell or not to tell? So I asked my husband, "Darling, what would you do? Would you tell?"
"Of course!"
"Well, that's what Dr. Bailey said, 'You have a responsibility towards your patient. She is your patient. You have to tell her that she is dying!(or something to that effect.)"
So Meredith told Esme that she had cancer and guess what Esme asked Meredith to do - to not tell her husband that she was dying! So now both of them know but don't know that the other knows too!
"Darling, would you want to know that you're dying?"
"Of course! I have to make plans," he answered.
"Would you tell me that I'm dying?"
"Yes."
"If I'm sick, would you take care of me?"
"Ye-es!" he answered in a strong, confident manner. There was no hesitation in his answer, his tone reflected that he found it strange that I'm even asking as if there is somebody else to take care of me when it should be him.
At that moment, I was so proud to have him as my husband. My next thought was, "Poor friend of mine."
So my question is: Have you ever asked this question to your spouse? If so, what is the answer?
8 comments:
at the rate ur going with all these psychological questions, you should open a separate blog - "Questions to Ask Your Husbands"!
;0
ha .. ha .. ha ... so true!
Well, I'll pop the question to my hubby and see what he says ...
What to do? M a curious cat. Ppl ask me to ask, I ask. Ppl come out with answer like that, I also want to know my hubby come up with what kind of answer laa.
But seriously, I am very curious to know what other spouses are saying to their wives and vice versa. Will there be a clear pattern that Eastern men answer differently from their Western counterparts or are men united in this sense or does it depend on the individual? What do you think?
My poor hub begged me to go (mati-la!) after him. LOL! He told me he would be lost if I went first. He said, whatever it is, he'd rather go first.
Eh..I don't like using my kids username la..allow others to comment la! PWEAAASSEEEEE!!!! *Flutter eyelids*
2Jins' Mom, tq for commenting. It's so touching to know that ur hubby would be lost without you. Actually I would be lost without my hubby if he went first. He does my banking, anything to do with the car and the house, etc., and travelling too!
I doubt there's a pattern to men's behaviour with regards to this question. Some men are just jerks (angels) no matter they have a long nose or a 'penyek' one.
My husband takes care of me when I fall sick but he has an ulterior motive - it's so that I will take care of HIM as well whenever he falls sick.
As if I'd let him suffer all alone!
True, Halwafy, I would have to agree with you that regardless of race, colour, and hidungs, with regards to this question and some other question, some men are just jerks and some are just adorable angels. Haha I think some could get nasty hearing themselves being called either one. But some jerk kinds think that their answer is a standard answer - they'd say, "Other men would answer the same way" - they don't see that they are jerks. So shortsighted. Sometimes, it's in the programming. Difficult to unprogramme something that's been moulded into being that way for years! The angels, on the other hand, deserves more than a hug...don't you think? I hope they're not just telling us what they know we wanna hear. It's just like that "Honey, do I look fat in this?" question, I guess sometimes we have to accept the truth, no matter how painful it is, then only our partners are brave enough to tell us their honest answers. Am I contradicting myself?
True true..I get what you mean..sometimes, our husbands know us better..they're just telling us what we want to hear....karang when we get all depressed and low sbb 'well,actually those threads do look like they're going to rip apart any second..' , depa jugak kena pujuk:)
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